4/28/18
Sun & Moon by Two Steps From Hell
LYRICS:
Sharona re michina, charera no'ha
Latenta no mevina, sanela santo tere
Ano teri nara, shento mea'aha me'eari
Ste namari, shelete narata noshari
Sa nate, te narato
Vasho ki
Shatyoha re mevina, chareya no'ha
Latenta no mevina, sanela santo tere
Ano tere nara, shento mea'aha teriardi
Ste namari, shelete narata toshchari
Sa nate, te narato
4/15/18
Dreams
I've been having weird, vivid dreams recently. Sometimes the dream feels so real it felt like an actual memory.
Here is a list of what I have dreamt about in an expanse of a few months:
1. I had a dream where a person I know knelt next to my bed.
2. I dreamt someone kissed me while laying on a blanket.
3. I had a dream someone tried to cut-off my wings with a knife.
4. I dreamt I was standing in the aisle with a guy wearing a suite.
5. I dreamt I broke one of our ceramic cups. I was balancing it on a plate and it fell and shattered as it hit the ground.
It's funny how my dreams sometimes makes no sense and may seem completely random. Yet, they can impact me so intensely, just like seeing an impressionable movie or reading a touching book. Each of these dreams occurred to me so realistically, it feels like I was actually there. What's even stranger is that even though I was aware that I wasn't alone in my dreams, I STILL couldn't tell who I was with. I have a feeling I knew these people, but I can't be 100% sure who they were. Some dreams stick to my memory, while others slowly fade into obscurity. I even know the location of the dream for a few of them.
In my first dream, I was sleeping on my bed and then a flash image occurred where someone was kneeling down close to my bed, watching me sleep. I should be freaked out that someone was with me in the middle of then night, but instead I rather felt safe and secure with this person. He also tried to advance on me slowly, but I suddenly woke up before it could transpire.
The second dream I had, I dreamt I was kissing somebody (most likely a guy) and we were laying on a blanket. The blanket was cream colored and I could see patterns from it, but since we were both busy I couldn't focus on it, obviously. What I tried to make-out from the dream was who the guy was. In my heart, I felt like I knew who he was... but I can't say anything for certain.
In my third dream I dreamt that I was unconscious and was at a unknown location in the middle of a forest. I seemed to have crash-landed there as I was surrounded by broken tree branches and a small crater was beneath me. Then someone approached me and took out a pocket-knife. They started cutting into the wings on my back, starting from the right joint. It hurt so much. I could actually feel the blade digging into my very solid and real flesh.
The fourth dream it was more like a vision than an actual dream, and it was weird seeing as I knew where I was. I was in the local church of my village, standing at the aisle with a guy who's face I couldn't see cause the 'camera' was facing his back and I could see myself standing with him on the opposite side. It seemed we were getting married. Now, this dream really freaked me out more then the others as I was still sort of conscious and then this random flash of a short-moving picture immediately entered my head without any viable reason whatsoever.
The fifth dream was where I was delivering one of our typical ceramic, glazed blue mugs to the kitchen. I placed it ontop of a plate and carried it using the said plate, then I lost my balance and the plate shook when my right hand faltered. The cup fell with a shattering crash and busted into a million pieces, leaving me dazed and confused as I clean it up. Now what's interesting to note is that I broke a cup before in the exact same manner, breaking our miniature 'shot' cup with the mango prints on it after a math tutoring session.
Here is a list of what I have dreamt about in an expanse of a few months:
1. I had a dream where a person I know knelt next to my bed.
2. I dreamt someone kissed me while laying on a blanket.
3. I had a dream someone tried to cut-off my wings with a knife.
4. I dreamt I was standing in the aisle with a guy wearing a suite.
5. I dreamt I broke one of our ceramic cups. I was balancing it on a plate and it fell and shattered as it hit the ground.
It's funny how my dreams sometimes makes no sense and may seem completely random. Yet, they can impact me so intensely, just like seeing an impressionable movie or reading a touching book. Each of these dreams occurred to me so realistically, it feels like I was actually there. What's even stranger is that even though I was aware that I wasn't alone in my dreams, I STILL couldn't tell who I was with. I have a feeling I knew these people, but I can't be 100% sure who they were. Some dreams stick to my memory, while others slowly fade into obscurity. I even know the location of the dream for a few of them.
In my first dream, I was sleeping on my bed and then a flash image occurred where someone was kneeling down close to my bed, watching me sleep. I should be freaked out that someone was with me in the middle of then night, but instead I rather felt safe and secure with this person. He also tried to advance on me slowly, but I suddenly woke up before it could transpire.
The second dream I had, I dreamt I was kissing somebody (most likely a guy) and we were laying on a blanket. The blanket was cream colored and I could see patterns from it, but since we were both busy I couldn't focus on it, obviously. What I tried to make-out from the dream was who the guy was. In my heart, I felt like I knew who he was... but I can't say anything for certain.
In my third dream I dreamt that I was unconscious and was at a unknown location in the middle of a forest. I seemed to have crash-landed there as I was surrounded by broken tree branches and a small crater was beneath me. Then someone approached me and took out a pocket-knife. They started cutting into the wings on my back, starting from the right joint. It hurt so much. I could actually feel the blade digging into my very solid and real flesh.
The fourth dream it was more like a vision than an actual dream, and it was weird seeing as I knew where I was. I was in the local church of my village, standing at the aisle with a guy who's face I couldn't see cause the 'camera' was facing his back and I could see myself standing with him on the opposite side. It seemed we were getting married. Now, this dream really freaked me out more then the others as I was still sort of conscious and then this random flash of a short-moving picture immediately entered my head without any viable reason whatsoever.
The fifth dream was where I was delivering one of our typical ceramic, glazed blue mugs to the kitchen. I placed it ontop of a plate and carried it using the said plate, then I lost my balance and the plate shook when my right hand faltered. The cup fell with a shattering crash and busted into a million pieces, leaving me dazed and confused as I clean it up. Now what's interesting to note is that I broke a cup before in the exact same manner, breaking our miniature 'shot' cup with the mango prints on it after a math tutoring session.
3/30/18
Summer Vacation, Summer Work
It is the official start of summer. It's only been 3 weeks into the summer, so I have plenty of time to sleep and eat at leisure. But aide from having lots of free time, I have also been trying to find a job in an online English teaching hub called 51Talk. It'll be quite the challenge, but I'm confident I can do it. My grandmother is also working with 51Talk and regularly teaches little kids. She uses my stuffed animals and various other props she gets from me (aswell as stuff she bought specifically for her students) to help her boost the learning experience of the child. I hope to be also be able to do the same, and with that comes the natural inclination to get paid. The more class bookings you get, the higher and more frequent the pay. Ever since I moved here my grandmother has been struggling to get me to go to school. Now I have to repay her back by working and be able to pay for myself. Every night my grandfather complains that I shouldn't be living in this house since I can't afford myself, which is the reason why I'm eager to show them that I can be independent and strong and reliable. I shouldn't fail now. I just so happened to take the technical and the PSO orientation recently, and I passed them all by far. I can't wait to take the next step which will take place on April 2.
3/17/18
Math and St. Patrick's Day
"He that offereth sacrifice of the goods of the poor is as one that sacrificeth the son in the presence of his father."The one weakness I seem to possess is the inability to learn math quickly. Sure, if you show me how to do it then I might be able to figure it all out myself later on. But so far, I've been needing a tutor for math for the most part. Somehow I managed to survive algebra and geometry with flying colors. They were easy. But trigonometry and calculus? I already feel like I'm drowning in a permanent state of doom. I've forgiven myself for being terrible at math for so many years, only to run into the same problems I had from the very start. There are no words to express how much I've been needing help with math on a frequent basis. Which is why I dread taking calculus in the U.S. so very badly. So far I'm surviving statistics and trigonometry all right. My grades are definitely above the 75% mark, but I'm not sure how long I can take acting like I know what I'm doing cause', for honestly the most part, I don't. I was relieved that I managed to get a 27 for my midterm test. But I feel like it's only going to go downhill from here. How bad can it get? I couldn't differentiate from teta to x and y for a long time. It was all just a bunch of jumbled gibberish to me. But as I go deeper into the whole nature of math, I realize it's actually a very fascinating way to see the world. But, still, whatever fascination I hold does not help me learn it well or any faster. Sometimes in my state of fear of not being able to pass my math classes, I get super depressed and I become absent-minded about everything else. My attempts to perfect my math is usually met by feeling tons of frustration and then a deep sense of inadequacy. Not only does math play a big role in my studies, it's also indispensable when it comes to everyday uses and understanding concepts.
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