Summer Vacation, Summer Work

It is the official start of summer. It's only been 3 weeks into the summer, so I have plenty of time to sleep and eat at leisure. But aide from having lots of free time, I have also been trying to find a job in an online English teaching hub called 51Talk. It'll be quite the challenge, but I'm confident I can do it. My grandmother is also working with 51Talk and regularly teaches little kids. She uses my stuffed animals and various other props she gets from me (aswell as stuff she bought specifically for her students) to help her boost the learning experience of the child. I hope to be also be able to do the same, and with that comes the natural inclination to get paid. The more class bookings you get, the higher and more frequent the pay. Ever since I moved here my grandmother has been struggling to get me to go to school. Now I have to repay her back by working and be able to pay for myself. Every night my grandfather complains that I shouldn't be living in this house since I can't afford myself, which is the reason why I'm eager to show them that I can be independent and strong and reliable. I shouldn't fail now. I just so happened to take the technical and the PSO orientation recently, and I passed them all by far. I can't wait to take the next step which will take place on April 2.

Math and St. Patrick's Day

"He that offereth sacrifice of the goods of the poor is as one that sacrificeth the son in the presence of his father."

The one weakness I seem to possess is the inability to learn math quickly. Sure, if you show me how to do it then I might be able to figure it all out myself later on. But so far, I've been needing a tutor for math for the most part. Somehow I managed to survive algebra and geometry with flying colors. They were easy. But trigonometry and calculus? I already feel like I'm drowning in a permanent state of doom. I've forgiven myself for being terrible at math for so many years, only to run into the same problems I had from the very start. There are no words to express how much I've been needing help with math on a frequent basis. Which is why I dread taking calculus in the U.S. so very badly. So far I'm surviving statistics and trigonometry all right. My grades are definitely above the 75% mark, but I'm not sure how long I can take acting like I know what I'm doing cause', for honestly the most part, I don't. I was relieved that I managed to get a 27 for my midterm test. But I feel like it's only going to go downhill from here. How bad can it get? I couldn't differentiate from teta to x and y for a long time. It was all just a bunch of jumbled gibberish to me. But as I go deeper into the whole nature of math, I realize it's actually a very fascinating way to see the world. But, still, whatever fascination I hold does not help me learn it well or any faster. Sometimes in my state of fear of not being able to pass my math classes, I get super depressed and I become absent-minded about everything else. My attempts to perfect my math is usually met by feeling tons of frustration and then a deep sense of inadequacy. Not only does math play a big role in my studies, it's also indispensable when it comes to everyday uses and understanding concepts.