Birthday

"Even though you've grown up, you should never stop having fun."

Let me tell you what it's like to be 24-years of age. I still can't get over the fact that I am well into the stage of being a full-fledged adult. It seemed like yesterday I was playing with barbies and reading story books. Now I am preparing to go into the career business, finally earning my own income of money and living on my own. I'm nearly there, and I can't wait to accomplish all these top goals of mine. I just need to work hard enough to sustain myself on a daily basis. There are plenty of times when I look back and wish I did a few things differently, but I'm glad I made it this far. The good news is that I might probably go back to the U.S. this summer and that I'll be receiving help with my career by following a very specific plan that gets me involved in vet school as a veterinary technician. I finally get to live my dream of being close to animals, and I get to be paid to do it all. It's a fitting place for me... almost as good as going to the Conservatory of Music in San Agustin. But I am done and over with that now. The bad news is that I won't be able to finish my Foreign Service course in Iloilo. I have already gone through 3 courses for my major. None of which held any solid ground. But, yes, I am currently going to the University of San Agustin for college. I previously went to Bakersfield College in order to take pre-requisite classes, and before that I temporarily went to CSUB for a Biology class (I got a C for my final grade, too). I have went over and explored all my options. But the one my parents are offering me is the best one yet. Even better than taking 'Foreign Service' here. But I do admit that I've been pretty lonesome in this house since I moved in with my grandparents. I'm hoping to turn my life around as soon as I am able to be more responsible with myself. My grandparents tell me they are giving me full ownership of our house in Jaro. But I need to be able to pay for the taxes and such. Other than that, my time as a student has just about expired, and I am fully ready to move on the bigger and better things. But I can't help but wonder... what does it mean to have a little more room to stretch if it means it's my own space and not anyone elses'? I suppose that'll mean that it's time to let old things die and let the sunshine shine through and allow the flowers to bloom. It would be good to have something for myself for once. Ever since I became an older sister for a brother AND a sister, I rarely had anything that was mine. I had to share many factors of my life, including gadgets and kitchen utensils. Though they respected me enough to have my own stuff (of course), I was never fully content with what I have. I simply longed to reach out and build something substantiated for myself, never bending to anyone's will to do as I'm told. Complete and utter freedom... at my own expense...

When I was younger, I would always think about what the future may bring one day after another. That something magical and utterly euphoric might transpire. You can imagine my disappointment when I had come to realize the day I'm on right now isn't much different than the day before this one. The only difference, I realized, was what I did and the fact that what I did mattered. I told myself I would pick a job that would suite me the most. This is why I picked my current course and why I was passive about being placed into the Conservatory. At first I was keen to graduate as an accountant. But I learned it takes a whole new type of grit to being a math major. In the end I picked this course because I wanted to prove to myself that I can be just as fluent with any language other than English and be good at it. Even now, I am truly assured that I can go through life with my current track. But just when I thought I had settled my life here, my mother calls and asks me if I want to be placed int vet school so I can help animals. At first I was unsure if I should take what she said seriously. It seemed waaaayyy too good to be true. But now I know that life can be really unexpected, and how I jumped like a manic grasshopper inside my head at the news of it. That's the strange part of it, I suppose. The part about being like a kid every now and again despite my sad attempts to be mature. I never was one for maturity. Seemed like a boring, self-imposed title to strive for. To me, compliments only work of someone else gives them to me. It didn't count if I kept telling myself all these things. Which is why I was always afraid to grow-up too fast. But here I am now, and what a journey I had to undertake to get here at this present moment. But what we basically did for my birthday is that I went to my paternal grandparents' house and visited them there. We ate pistachio icecream, piyaya and dark chocolate muffins and watched 'Jumanji' and 'Aircrash Investigation' for 3-hours. We took pictures and chatted about the show --- particularly about how terrible the kind of death they had to experience when attempting to stabilize the plane but then ultimately failed --- and then talked about the change in staff they just recently implemented for the place. By the way, I look SO bad in my pictures nowadays. I feel almost ashamed to post current photos of myself on this blog. I do have a few good ones (the ones where my mouth doesn't look like a giant magnet, or the ones where my hair doesn't look like a tumbling ramble of chaos) but I will most likely hesitate to share them so willingly. It's funny how a person changed so much when they age. I can only pray I would age as well as the next person and keep myself from sustaining bruises or cuts that could turn into scars. I feel so self-conscious since I'm no longer as young as I used to be. But, there's simply nothing I can do about THAT.

Overall, I think it's safe to say me turning twenty-four will work-out just fine in the end. It has to.