My Plans & Inner Thoughts

"The heart sees things the eyes sometimes cannot see."

So far school has been okay; we just finished midterms a couple of weeks ago and everything is predictable so far. We get the occasional quiz and oral recitation every now and then. In Theology we had to recite the 10 Commandments and on Argumentation & Debate class we had a real debate between two separate factions in our class. I've been thinking alot about how the path of my career is supposed to go and what route I should take. It turns out I have to finish summer school and take my Bio-Sci class before I can continue as a veterinary technician. Some part of me just wants to stay and finish my 'Foreign Service' course. But the call to go back to the states has never been more crucial since my grandmother can't afford me anymore and my grandfather is getting impatient with the whole situation. There's a ton of things I would like to do before I can possibly go back to the U.S., but I suppose the return is now fundamental inevitability. Atleast I get to see my siblings, and I do miss them a great deal. Especially my sister, who is very sweet and loving. She misses me alot and cries when I leave the camera whenever we use Facetime. My parents visited us just months ago in 2017, and I got to see them again. It's sometimes hard to believe I'm the eldest, even though there are many characteristics I maintain that are relatively 'child-like'. It's like they just enjoy bashing me for these traits that are purely tied to genetics. It's like they just love to blame me for things I cannot help. But aslong as they leave me to do the things I like, I couldn't care less about what they think of me. They are just haters who have nothing better to do with their time but be pathetic and spiteful. There's no limit to how many people are like that, and I just do what is natural to me and avoid conflict. I hate fighting about pointless things, which is what most haters tend to aim at. They would rather stick to their old ways rather than see the truth of the matter. But, aslong as I can continue with my life and be able to afford myself what I need and my desires, I'm fine and happy. But, no one gets away with threatening me and my peace of mind. I let the universe do it's work and let the flow of time ebb them away. But ,aside from people who bother me, I just want to have stable set of friends that I'm close to. Perhaps this is why have people to hate me: I only keep a certain amount of friends on my roster, and I'm happy with just that. Someone once told me that I shouldn't care about people who don't care about me, and I believe he is speaking the truth. I just want to grow up and start working. Which is why I'm getting into my Bio-Sci class as soon as I am able to take it. I don't want to waste my time with people who assume too much or don't respect anyone else other than themselves. Or, worse, have some ulterior motive to be nice to me. I may come-off as selfish to some, but I'm just trying to protect myself and my self-interest and be happy during my alone times. I'm not particularly fond of crowds, and so I like my peace and quiet ever now and again. Call me an introvert, but that's simply what defines me and not what others say about me.

I plan to finish school and probably even graduate early if I can help it. I've lost enough time already during our travel throughout the U.S.. From the West Coast to the East Coast. It was tiring and full of drama, but I'm finally able to live where I'm meant to be, and I hope I can be just as successful there as I am here. It's funny cause' as I'm typing all this out I remember I still have homework to do. I guess I better cut this entry short and finish what I'm supposed to do. But this won't be my last post, as I have said before I want to put this blog back in order. As I do my work I listen to old Chinese songs about war, love and warm fires at the countryside. Songs like these always bring back good times, and I know I have plenty more good times ahead of me for me to experience. It would be nice to hangout with my old friends, even though it's been a while since I last saw them. As I get older, I realize it's not as important to be part of the waving trend, but to cherish my relationships since everyone deserves to be happy with their lot in life. I am definitely content with myself and the people around me, and I hope it can only get better. There are times when I doubt myself and feel terrible with my lack of physical prowess, but I learned it's what's in the mind that counts, and that fighting for the petty things will certainly get me nowhere real fast. I hate arguing, too. I simply can't take that kind of negative energy, and I find that I cringe away from it as much as the next person who desires something more healthy. I don't mind the occasional food-for-thought, but arguing over something a person believes in, while absolutely refuses to see the light of reason, I just find myself looking the other way and leave without any hesitation. I'm a naturally aggressive person, but that doesn't mean I want to fight over trivial things. I just want to feel peace and enlightenment, and I won't get this from materialistic hoarders who seek nothing else besides social strife and validation from others. I know this is a no-win situation, regardless if I point out their lack of substantiation and invalid points. I used to be part of that emo-rock scene as a teen, but after going through numerous phases of my life, I've learned that there are better things to emulate instead of just rebellion and negative emotions. There are many times when I look back during those times and think that I've had a good run and I feel content that I lived through all the things I went through. Life now is definitely better than it used to be, but I feel that there are things I can improve on to make it a little better. I can only hope that I can keep living with love in my heart and a courageous smile on my face. Bravery is NOT for the frail of heart, and I know that continuing to face life with optimism is what enables me to keep going. Life will always have it's ups and downs, but that doesn't mean that I intend to sway with the waves. I must be strong and unyielding if I am to succeed with my endeavors. Alot of things could go wrong and I could die any day, but I must be confident that I can pull-through whatever obstacles that stand in my way. Even if it means giving up certain things along the way.