The Weekend

There are days when I wish the weekend would never end. Especially since I have Literature, English, Ethics and Trigonometry tests on Monday. But, instead, I decided to choose to blog about my inactivity and my overall opinions on the matter instead of studying. There are a ton of things I would like to talk about and cover in my blog (such as clothes, food and friends), but I shall choose to talk about the more important things, like what I have already learned both in and out of school. I learned that love isn't hard to find, but learning to love someone is. I learned that people aren't always what they seem, and sometimes some are more predictable than others. I have also learned that making friends is easy, but keeping in-touch with them and maintaining that friendships takes quite a bit of effort placed into it. Some people are meant for me, some are designated to be with someone else, and that it's crucial to remember that even if they choose someone else besides me, I should take it as light-heartedly as i can and wish them all the happiness in the world. There's nothing more uncomfortable than being forced to be with someone who isn't meant for you, and it can only lead to pain and anguish and negativity. I have learned that some friends are meant to stay in your life, and some are meant to go separate ways with you. I try my best not to burden anyone with my presence, so that I don't have to be the odd one out. I noticed that I tend to push others away if I feel like they won't fit with me, and I now know that there's only on way to earn one's independence and at the same time enjoy my own company. Life is full of struggles, but I have learned to fight through it and stick to what is important to me, no matter the cost. Things may change, sure, but that doesn't mean I have to remove the softness in my heart and give-in to hate and anger. Even though it frustrates me if someone doesn't understand me (or, worse, intentionally misunderstand me completely), I have to know how to tell them how I feel and know how can these kinds of situations be avoided. I'm always first to let go if things go wrong, so I don't have to witness the house burn down to the ground. This is what happens when I don't study. I start guessing and then things start falling apart. But, so far, I only study if it's a particular interest to me. It's really hard to study things that don't quip my curiosity. And what sparks my interest is the lessons I have so far learned in life. It may not be about practical knowledge, but it's a subject that I keep in my heart at all cost.

There's the saying that goes: "Elephants never forget". And, I have attested that that saying is somewhat true. I'm not trying to say I'm an elephant who remembers everything, but what is true about it is that there are some things that the heart remembers things which the mind cannot fully understand. The heart sees and feels things the mind does not always perceive, and that includes all the things that I have ever experienced in life. Some things are painful to remember, some things are more easily remembered if given enough time, yet there are many things that I cannot memorize on a whim. This is why I wish the weekend could give me more time to study, so that I'm more prepared. But I suppose all the things I memorized doesn't compare to how I understand such problems to begin with. Remembering something isn't quite the same as understanding the subject matter, and so I am left with no other option than to search the internet for certain kinds of interpretations. This is where I found myself when I started studying, but for some reason I ended-up blogging this instead. I suppose there's been alot of things on my mind which I can't let go, but I know that with enough time I can move on and be glad of the time I spent together with those people instead of never meeting and spending time together at all. I used to think memories were trivial things: they always reminding me of a certain time in my life which I can't take back. But now I know that it's best to learn something from my experiences instead of shying away from it altogether. There's much to be admired in a person who uses their own weaknesses to their advantage. And, now I see that I want to be able to look back at my life and admire all that I've been through and all the positive things I have pieced together in my heart rather then denying all of it. I don't want to harden against the cruelty of my dreary past, but rather be enlightened with the sole reminder of such memories. Being happy is the main reason why we remember things, and I knew something was wrong with me since I found no joy in remembering them, but instead it all made me feel hurt, sad and angry. But now I know that memories can help me form a better understanding of myself and why I feel these things the way I do.

Look at me, reminiscing and pondering such topics during the end of the weekend... and right before a test. Guess I still haven't learned to manage my time correctly. I can be such a mess. But, whatever, I just have to remember these facts and chant it like some holy mantra till I memorize everything. Should be a piece of cake, right?