Self-Revelation

Maybe it's the awful pain of constipation, or the magazine I just read about collage.
But I don't CARE! XDD
I just had the most rarest, most self-awakening revelation tonight and possibly the rest of my life. It's like being struck by lightning. (O__O)

Mygawd.... what have I been doing this year, struggling to be something I'm not?!
Shit, I need to think about collage. I need to plan for my friggin' career and future! Bah, who cares about Myrtle or about this looming sadness? I need to kick it off and actually try hard to live. Instead of thinking about my move to U.S. as a horrible, impending corner of change, I should think about it as an opportunity to move on and show the world what I can damn face.

My studies. They've been getting worse, all because I was drawn into the vortex of highschool, forcing myself to 'fit-in' even if it meant destroying who I really am. WTFudge have I been doing lately? I'm only fifteen. It's not too late to turn my way of thinking around!

"I want you to concentrate on your studies, and then..."
Someone had said to me. The 'and then' might have been impossible from the beginning, but I gots to keep living. I should be dwelling happily on what I have accomplished instead of what I MIGHT have accomplish. I promised myself I would never forget him, and I never will! But, I just can't have it killing me from the inside for the rest of my life and be brought down because of it.

Many have moved on. So why can't I?